Check Out My Salmon Shirt Guys

Over the years in this metro sexual age, society has formally accepted men wearing pink shirts as a cultural norm despite my best intentions to have this trend reversed. When a couple gives birth to a child you will more often than not see a stork outside of their house stating “It’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” with baby blue representing the boy and girlish pink for the girl. Simple color association is not up for interpretation as that we all know that green is go and red is stop/danger. Why then do people across the board feel that pink is an acceptable color for men to wear? Am I from a much older school of thought that men wearing pink says something about their personality and physical abilities? I look at the color pink as a girly color that should only be represented by women and the pornographic industry I cherish oh so much, keep up the good work LA and feel free to send Lexi Belle to my hometown for a real good time. Colors such as black and red represent hell on earth, the kind of colors that say I’m going to break into your house, break your pussy soap holders, piss on your toilet seat, burn your techno cd’s, and for an encore leave a firm double decker in your toilet tank after a day and a half of eating nothing but pumpkin seeds because I am a man who wears black, listens to Rollin’s Band and enjoys relieving himself in the shower on demand.

Men who wear pink do not intimidate me in the very least. These alleged “macho” motherfuckers can generally be seen wearing their pink shirts with the collar popped drinking Heineken or top shelf liquor because they enjoy throwing their money around all while wearing their sunglasses at night. I for one have the Austin Powers syndrome of calling out people in pink shirts as he does to people with moles. Chants of “pink shirt pink shirt” reign from my vocal chords whenever I come across one whether in public or when seen on tv. Defenders of the “men can wear pink too” will state that it’s just another color and actually their shirt isn’t pink but salmon. Excuse me? Salmon? The fucking fish is now a color? Oh yeah well Crayola made mac n cheese a color so I guess then we can put anything to a color. On those grounds your shirt is not salmon, it’s pussy pink. Also if you feel that you must inform people that your shirt is “salmon” you’re admitting that pink is a girly color and shouldn’t be worn by men. Let’s just go to the greatest website ever wiki for this one (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink). Hmm? Common connotations; girls, love, health, breast cancer, fairies, valentine’s day, homosexuality, bisexuality, spring, easter, beauty and air. I don’t see anything there about pink being a man’s man color so what happened to lead us into this false entitlement that men can wear pink? Where did we go wrong as a society that would allow grown men to walk the streets wearing pink boasting at how badass they are?

We can always blame those dirty hippies with their flower power and disregard for personal hygiene, but that’s too broad. I however feel that this is due to two groups dropping the ball on this one and they are the parents and bullies of schools. New age parents who were disciplined as children growing up vow that they will never be like their parents and not hit their kids but sit them down and talk with them and have them express their feelings. I’m not suggesting to beat the piss out of your kids but I knew as a child that if I fucked up I would have to embrace my mother’s wicked backhand I knew I deserved. Bullies play their role in this as they work on a “give me a reason” basis. For example if they see a kid smelling the roses, they will shove their face into it cutting them in the thorns with a valuable life lesion, don’t fucking smell the roses in the company of MEN. Also if there wasn’t this pussification (RIP George Carlin) of this society that severely frowns upon learning how to survive we now even focus on “cyber-bullying” which totally throws out the whole “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.” We all know how tough we are on an internets battle and that it’s stupid gay and pointless. Yet apparently the mere text of “I’m going to kick your ass” is now considered as bad as the act itself. So we should now rephrase it to “sticks and stones will break my bones but names are just as bad too and I shall need to go through years of psychology sharing my feelings about how much being called a dildo hurt my feelings.”

For ages the vast majority of men did not wear pink and all was well in the world since that any kid who wore pink in the school yard was singled out, made fun of and generally resulting in not only that kid never wearing pink again but a loud and clear message to the masses; men do not wear pink. With the pussification and babying of children teaching them to just walk away from fights, tell a teacher, and the bully really is just jealous of you has made it possible for it being acceptable for men to wear pink amongst other stupid trends such as over usage of tanning salons and painting your nails. It’s gotten so bad that schools are babying kids to the point where they are not suitable to live in the real world. Sure fighting is wrong and shouldn’t happen, but people are going to get all up in your shit from time to time and one must defend themselves. There’s a word out there for such instances, it’s called being on the defensive. If someone strikes you, you’re allowed to defend yourselves, afterall if say you are rendered unconscious who knows what they will do to you. So in schools now and have been for well too long, all the participants in a fight are suspened regardless of the situation. Therein theory, if I were a bully and didn’t like the super smart kid and his glorious science fair was coming up, pick a fight with him, make him throw a punch and boom, he’s done and his project he spent so much time upon is never going to see the light of day.

To translate this into a conclusion; the babying of our children and sense of “feelings” has made men weaker than we have ever been before. True men like John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Andrew Kehole, and George Washington are surly doing heavy RPM’s in their grave at the site of men carousing the streets wearing a woman’s color and even worse, the women who are with them. Listen up pricks, this pink shirt trend has to end, the time has come and has been waiting for all too long. Men are men and do not wear pink, salmon, whatever the fuck you want to call it. Throw out your pink shirts and buy something manly like last month’s issue of Muff magazine.