The Ho-Mohawk

Think you're a real tough badass, a real rebel rouser, fighting against the oppression of the capitalist pigs, anti government and establishment? Why not rock a mohawk, or as I will always refer to it, the ho-mohawk. Nothing screams douchebag to me louder than when I see people in this day and age representing a ho-mohawk. It's just a step above people who will swear up and down that their shirt is salmon not pink. Well assholes, salmon is not a color, pink however is, so therefore, you're wearing a pink shirt, and just like wearing white after labor day, men should not wear pink, unless of course there is a vagina on your head, then that's acceptable. By wearing a ho-mohawk you are telling me that you think you're going to change the world, or that your hair us uber cool. If as you will read later on, rock the mohawk and are of the punk genre, cudos to you for keeping it alive, but then again, you must rock it true and shave the head, not the trend now of buzzing the sides. If you wear it true, fucking a.
The history of the mohawk as far as my understanding is badass, originating with those pesky cowboy killer Indians or, Nieve Americans as taught in school. Mr. T rocks a mohawk, as did the 101st Airborne Unit in the WWII, it was a staple for many fans of the punk genre during it's development when punk music actually meant something. So let us assess the persons above who represented the true mohawk.
Native Americans had it first, but they can not reap the blame on this one, afterall, they went to war and it was their symbol, as was the same with the 101st Airborne, they were at war and it was a nifty idea for a squad to partake in. As for the punk followers, it was a sign of change, with their uncommon against the rules way. Lasty as for Mr. T, it's fucking Mr. T and you all do not to be pittied any more than he already has and forever will.
However the persons stated above in slight detail had a true mohawk, at least they had the balls to shave their head enhancing the mohawk in all of it's glory. Unlike the douchefaces today who are too afraid of getting yelled at by their mother or being made fun of in school, who do not shave their heads, but trim the sides to create a bullshit mohawk, or as it is known in the world of TOC, the ho-mohawk. Another thing that us Americans stole from the Brits as they felt the need to go apeshit with their hair and fuck with it more. "Hey, that mohawk looks like the shizzy, but oh man, I can't shave my head, what will I do when it's out of style in a couple of months?" So just puss out completely and trim the sides and let the top grow out like an out of date mullet with AIDS, poof there you go, now you can proceed to bang emo girls and cry about it to your circle of friends as you touch each others cuts and like your ho-mohawk's with joy.
The hairstyle itself can be proven, by SCIENCE fact that it is, for lack of a better term and not meant in the derogatory way, kinda gay. Super-duper stars such as Brandon Flowers (tough guy name) from the Killers, Joel Madden from Good Charlotte, Tre "not so" Cool of Green Day (now ruining hair and music at the same time), Mikey Way of My Chemical Romance, Jack Osbourne, David Beckham, and Bruno the gay fashion reporter from Ali G. Sound like a group of people you'd like to have behind you in times of war? Hell no, in a good old fashioned street fight, I'd put Mr T against all of the people above and Mr. T would come out victorious with a lot of fools pittied, especially Beckham, god damn is his wife double o oogly, and should I even reference the thee bands above who are involved in this sharad of a hairstyle? Good Charlotte? My Chemical Romance? Green Day? Shit God Dan Akroid, they were all mentioned in my soon to be released bit about how they, namely Green Day are ruining music as we know it, what a f'n coincidence that they too make my list of douchebags with ho-mohawks.
It's clear cut that I have won yet again and have bested even myself, my girlfriends dog looks at me with approval and the cat can personally give a fuck since he's a cat. The mohawk was once a thing of pride, now it is a target for my amusement, for all of those old school punk persons who rock the true mohawk, wear it with pride because that is who you are and it is your style, balls to you for shaving your head. As for you faux mohawk clear cut defined ho-mohawk wearers with your trendy hats, suit jackets over t shirts, clip on tie wearing, leather bracelet, vegetarian broccoli eating, dating men or women because their hair is scruffy and looks rugged, when in fact rugged is my god damn Brooklyn Mountain man goatee, ring in the lip, lisp speaking, star tattoo wearing, GED role models, you all can kick a brick and by the grace of god, move to Eastern Europe and become victims of the human trafficking ring picking the diamonds for me to give to my girlfriend. Hear me Chief? This goes out to my man Sheriff Broadie, I think we need a bigger boat to put these fucks on and allow you to sink it and swim off in the distance with Richard Dreyfuss. Thank you, God Bless America, and get your dick sucked, except if you have a ho-mohawk.